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April 28 2013 (D116)
This has been a strange journey. I don’t know what will come of it for I am still in a second state. I do know that I am on my way and I wish everyone the best. Especially you, no need to say your name for you know who you are. ;- )
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April 23 2013 (D112)
Cemeteries, abandonned houses, red and white and blue pick-ups, log-filled trailer trucks, stacks of hay, junk-yards garden sites, road signs and ugly advertisement, bad drivers and good state troopers, miserable truck-stops, belly wide-open deer, overpass under overloops, running dog, fly away garbage bag and good loving human beings all around… wishing for nothing more.
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April 21 2013 (D110)
Without warning, without announcement, right there in front of you, appearing out of nowhere. Encountering it has you stop the world around you. In a freeze time – everything still – the whole earth at a glimpse the whole vision in a glance of awe. Wish this would happen everyday.
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April 19 2013 (D108)
Once again the true spirit plows down onto me. I can’t see him, can’t understand him for there is nothing to understand anyways. A fleeting moment a feeble flimsy feeling lasting an eyebat lash. Crossings aren’t always felt at the time of happening although lasting imprints will linger into the soul for many years to come. The sea gives it, the sea takes it away…
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April 17 2013 (D106)
Nothing is gloomy in my world and actually most of the time I am content with all that surrounds me. I just have a strange way of expressing the world that appears before my eyes. I started to die the day I was born like the majority of the other human beings around me. The thing is that I realized it right away and my whole life has been preparing for that passage. I never doubted this until this exact moment and now I am scared. So this is what it feels like to be alive…
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(just exactly where and when is this taking place?)
Feeling « stoned out of mind » although none substance has entered my body to induce this feeling. Thoughts are blurred. Tigers all around, jumping, flying. Is it a dream? Am I wishing for something? This state of mind does not square nor does it fit the usual time-frame that my body is acustomed to… Damn, so close and yet so far. The ship will be brought to port for the night and rest within THEE. (this is nice)
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April 12 2013 (D101)
And so it goes, that has he spoke those words, his kingdom was already devastated and his first and only daughter carried away with the barbarians as a sacrifice to the gods for the victory. No one from that day heard a single word coming out of his mouth. Over his head doomed a dark cloud, and it is said that demons from yester-years accompanied him on his numerous lonesome journeys. If ever you cross his path and live to tell about it, be grateful to YOUR God for few good men out there have survived an encounter with him…
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April 10 2013 (D99)
Feels good when the body takes control over my mind. Gives a break from endless blabbers that rumble inside 97% of the time. That is when unexpected events happen. That is when… fuck I’m too exhausted to go on, here is where this rambling stops.
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April 8 2013 (D97)
Went « back-in » towards time. Left, right exactly to that day of my return in the shadows of the mind. Is that when I « died »? Is that when my story unfolded? Is that when my image-legend crystalised itself? Is that when I buried myself? My only certainty is that I am still on my way and close at hand are all the answers, but they are not for me yet.
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April 6 2013 (D95)
Sometimes I wish I could see beyond that pinpoint of shimmering light across my left shoulder. Sometimes I wish I could stand upright next to myself and bleed-out this foreshortened sight of mine. Making sense is not always easy and sometimes not even advisable. Anyone cares anymore… « Yes, I do » whispers faintly that childlike voice in the near distant past.
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April 5 2013 (D94)
Now at stake, a state of urgency, a « wanting-need » to make way for the passing of time. True feelings and pieces of space withdrawn from my senses of belonging. What is the meaning of these strange surroundings?
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April 4 2013 (D93)
Stay with me a bit longer for I am not done weeping. Be with me a bit longer for my heart still beats in rhythm with yours. Forgive me for having soiled you, forgive me for having forgotten your real name.
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April 3 2013 (D92)
Here I stand surrounded by this ugliness. I’m in a Frederico Fellini film and a part of these grotesque personnage. Actually I am THE most grotesque personnage of this vision before my eyes. Visions of decay, obesity, morbidity, death. And there I dance on the rooftops of your burning cities. No pity here, there will be plenty of time for that later on.
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March 30 2013 (D87)
Ghost staring at me, petrified in the rock. Moaning screams in my « ringing » ears. Maybe I will be back but I don’t know my destination. I doubt. Nothing here breathed air into my mind although my lungs were filled with the blue light coming from the mountains.
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March 28 2013 (D85)
You appeared out of nowhere and stuck your nose up my crotch. Your bright eyes looking into mine, drinking straight out of my water bottle. And then, like you came, on your way without even a sign of friendship, reminding me of my own solitude and imminent death. This is not a sad moment.
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March 26 2013 (D83)
The spirit inhabits me. My eyes see you and yet I am asleep. I want to wake up, I want to be a part (apart). I know it’s not my world, I know I must go on. Something of me is being left behind. I feel lighter and yet a sadness wraps around my elongated shadow(S). Wish I could stay.
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March 24 2013 (D81)
Neons bright, money fights, lovergirls everywhere, loverboys all around, full loaded buses of folks in hope of big wins, getting thrills from lit up pyramids, waterworks and 50$ buffet. Wish me well my love for here I die a bit more everyday.
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March 18 2013 (D76)
So that’s how you kill off small towns. That’s how you leave halfway through the party with all the « mucha ». I pity you Dollardman and it will come back to you and upon your children’s children in a form of pestilence for in the end the love you will get is inversely proportional to the contempt you had for your fellow beings, and when that time comes pleading ignorance will not work. Jesus-Christ even my girl is crying for you Barstow…
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March 16 2013 (D74)
Now I am small, now I am that tiny human, now I feel the missing part, now I want to be, now I breathe in unison to the diapason of the universe. Now I walk with the Giants and I know why giants feel so small.
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March 14 2013 (D71)
Some news don’T come easy, some news you would rather not receive. Sometimes we putt off actions thinking they will come in due time. And then the news comes and it’s late…too late. Like 2 years too late. Be on your way my good friend Carlos Martinez, be on your way my « little Carlitos ». We will meet on the other side.
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March 13 2013 (D70)
You are everywhere. Wherever I lay my eyes I meet your lifeless gazes. You are speaking in tongues that only yourselves can understand. I recognize you as the new walking deads. There you are on every street corners, surging out of your ending cold night, being  sprayed away by the city pest patrol. How could you fall so low that even an angel voice sounds like a nightmarish devil to your ears. I hold the same contempt for you has I have for the blind « Market street businessman » that ignores you on his passing by every morning. Get a grip man, get your head up. And that’s all I’ll say on that subject.
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March 12 2013 (D69)
Mr. Good will you let go of your hat for just a few hours. Will you do an oil change for free. Will you feel the ground under your feet just once. Will you sing again for this crowd. Or will you just wither away like your forfathers did?
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March 10 2013 (D67)
When I leave this earthly body, I will come back to this exact spot. This whole rock is now mine as he is me. And if I must spend eternity in one place let it be right here.
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March 8 2013 (D65)
As I stand here majestic, my gaze as far as the eye can see, my ears filled with dusted memories, my mouth spatting out infinite tons of golden sand, my feet slipsiding the edge of emptiness, my mind crying out for the rememberance of everything… and still wishing it was all over not over.
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March 4 2013 (D61)
Get me drunk, so drunk that I can’t remember anymore, just so drunk that all that was ever said is forgotten, so drunk that all that violence seeps out of my body, so drunk that no million drinks can drunken me anymore…
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March 2 2013 (D59)
My mind aimlessly going back and forth between what was and what is. At a standstill, at a crossroad railing that’s tearing apart the doors of my perception. Forever fighting at my delusions, forever looking for freedom, just forever… forever…forever… (maybe that’s just too (fucking) long)
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February 26 2013 (D55)
Now I am tired, I had forgotten what that felt like.
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February 25 2013 (D54)
I should’ve been a cowboy. Learn to do those rodeos. I could have been a Lone Texas Ranger. Or I would have been exactly what I am presently a rattlesnake.
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February 13 2013 (D42)
My head resting on desolation. Sorrow for not having full consciousness. Looking through the glass of time and smiling at my slowly disapearing younger self-reflection. Golden numbers all around, mesmerizing my mind, degrading my thoughts to a flimsy little dice of grey matter, nothing matters. Ever searching for that divine proportion…
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February 7 2013 (D37)
If it comes to be known that man was for just one hour a paradigm of God then let it be known that for one hour I was a man upon this land of yours and my respect was one with your grounds… Wish you well on your schemes and my journey is onward from here on. No turning back: I’ll face my fate.
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January 24 2013 (D23)
Now that I am resting as one with the mother ocean, my gloomy dark thoughts evade me. My heart beats in unison with the rolling waves. In peace with myself I thrive for freedom. My head towards the West and my feet  rooted in the void ot time I know it won’t be long…
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January 21 2013 (D20)
As I drive these roads, I see U cutting down trees of the grasslands and chasing animals with your bulldozers, so U can build more habitations, more malls. Hoping to survive your constructions… and then again maybe your science will make U « immortal bastards »…
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January 18 2013 (D17)
Built it and they will come. So they build it and they came. And they soiled everything on their passage.  Believing themselve to be Godlike creatures. Nothing more than deafening senses growing bigger and louder, so has to be seen and felt in their whimsy reflections. Images growing constantly to barfing proportions. Everyone dancing on the verge of destruction…
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January 16 2013 (D15)
Nothing was quite exactly in the right place. No one was to be seen and a deafening silence filled the air. Ghost like cats sat around licking their paws. Or was I the ghost? My mind on the edge of a «precipice» balancing on a thin ray of light stretching from infinity to the frontiers of darkness. The void has been filled  and I am on my way…
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